The High Gallery
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10
miles!" Delta 351: "Give
us another hint!
We have digital watches!"
"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45
Degrees." "Center, we are
at 35,000 feet. How much
noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever
heard the noise a 747 makes when
it hits a 727?"
| From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very
takeoff queue: "I'm f..ing
bored!" Ground Traffic
Control: "Last aircraft
yourself immediately!" Unknown
aircraft: "I said I
was f... ing bored, not
f... ing stupid!"
O'Hare Approach Control to a
747: "United 329 heavy,
your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles,
239: "Approach, I've always
wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
A student became lost during a solo
flight. While attempting to
locate the aircraft on
radar, ATC asked! , "What was
your last known
position?" Student: "When I was
number one for takeoff."
There's a story about the military pilot
a priority landing because
his single-engine jet
fighter was running "a bit
peaked." Air Traffic
Control told the fighter jock
that he was number
two, behind a B-52 that
had one engine shut down.
"Ah," the fighter pilot
remarked, "The dreaded seven
How to tell you have a Redneck Pilot
Your cross country flight plan uses
flea markets as check points.
You think sectional charts should show
Your toothpick keeps poking your mic.
You've thought about just taxiing
around the airport drinking beer.
You use a Purina feed sack for a wind
You constantly confuse Beechcraft with
You think GPS stands for Going
You refer to flying in formation as
"We got us a convoy".
You have an orange airplane with a
Union Jack on the side.
You've got a gun rack hanging on the
You have more than one roll of duct
tape holding your cowling together.
Your preflight includes removing all
the clover, grass, and wheat from the
You siphon gas out of your tractor to
put in your airplane.
You've never really actually landed at
an airport, although you've been
flying for years.
There are parts on your airplane
labeled "John Deere".
There's exhaust residue on the right
side of your aircraft and tobacco
stains on the left.
You have to buzz the strip to chase
off all the sheep.
You've landed on the main street of
your town for a cup of coffee.
You fly to family reunions to meet
You've won the "Bob Wire" award at a
spot landing contest.
You have fuzzy dice hanging from the
There are grass stains on your
The spittoon is wedged between the
Just before impact, you're heard
saying "Hey, y'all, watch this!"
A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the
control of a Jewish captain.
His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown
together and an awkward
silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.Once they reach
cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the autopilot, leans
back in his seat,
and mutters, "I don't like Chinese."
Chinese?" asks the copilot, "why not?"
people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why!"
no," the copilot protests, "Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That
Japanese, not Chinese."
Chinese, Vietnamese... doesn't matter, you're all alike!"
a few minutes of silence. "No rike Jews!" the copilot suddenly
not?" asks the captain.
sink Titanic," the copilot responds.
didn't sink the Titanic!" exclaims the captain, "It was an iceberg!"
Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, no mattah... all same!"
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